It’s been a while, world.
I’m still slowly emerging from my funk, but overall I’m glad to be back. Glad to be putting fingers to keyboard and writing again. Although, I must admit to still being a bit at a loss for what to write about. I don’t have any clever beauty advice to share, or new book review to post. No academic advice or fun finished creative projects either. At least not right this moment.
Really, right now I’ve got nothing to offer except for… well… me.
And I’m not sure when that became something so scary. Particularly when this whole blogging hobby of mine was started for exactly that purpose – to provide myself with a little space of my own to do what I pleased with.
I’m definitely still in a place where a lot of what has developed as my “typical” content still feels… irrelevant. At least in my own head. Because who cares if I liked that last book I read or not? Who cares what kind of eyeliner I prefer, or what I’m currently knitting in my free time? What makes anything about any of that relevant? Who out in the vast reaches of the interwebs cares about my opinion, really? At least when so much else is going on in the world.
But I think the last couple months I’ve gotten caught up in the wrong questions. It’s a tendency I have always had. In college I almost had a complete meltdown after reading Amy Tan’s writing memoir over the question of “relevance.” I don’t even know why, because at this point I’m unsure that she even dealt with the issue much in the book, but something in it started me down the road to having a crisis of purpose. Crisis over what I wrote, why I wrote, why it matters, and what the hell was I even doing anyway?
And it took looking back at some of my journals from the time to realize that I was starting to fall into the same trap here. I got so focused on creating broadly relevant content, that when something happened that made me feel like my own interests were small beans in the big picture, nothing seemed good enough anymore.
But who cares about relevance? I didn’t start this blog to be relevant. I always knew I was never gonna be the next big beauty blogger – I’m too lax in my make-up routines for that. I was never going to make it as an up-and-coming fashion blogger – even when I’m not wearing plain jeans and a university tee, I’m just not that fashionable. And I like crafts and knitting and art, but I don’t do any of those with enough frequency to make that my full time *thing.*
I knew from the start that I didn’t start blogging to be the next big blogger. I started blogging all those years ago now, because it was fun. Because it was nice to have a little corner of the internet to call my own. Not because I had niche content to provide, but because I could share me.
So I think it’s high time I get back to that.
So for today, here’s a little peak at what I’ve been up to in my absence.
Since I’ve been gone I’ve been…
…reading: a couple things. I finished up Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman, and then read the second book in the Embers in the Ashes Series – A Torch in the Night by Sabaa Tahir along with The Crown: The Official Companion Volume 1 by Robert Lacey. The Shusterman was kind of middle of the road, the Tahir was nail-biting and gripping, and the Lacey was decent for a TV series tie-in. My most recent read was A Court of Frost and Starlight by Sarah J. Maas – I’m hoping to include that in an overall series review post at some point in the future.
… watching: The Crown. And Oh. My. God. It is fabulous. And beautiful. And basically just one of the best things I’ve seen on TV (Netflix still counts as TV as far as I’m concerned) in a very long time.
… playing: the Yakuza Franchise games. It all started when Jim brought home Yakuza 0 on a friend’s recommendation, and I just got engrossed in the the story (I think my heart may have broken a little bit at the end of Majima’s storyline, tbh. Augh, so many feelings). I have since played Yakuza 0 and Kiwami myself and just… these games, man. These games fascinate me. They’re at once deeply serious and overwhelmingly goofy, and I just can’t get enough of them.
… looking forward to: the release of Yakuza Kiwami 2 in August, but before that there’s a bunch of book releases I’ve been chomping at the bit to get my hands on. I’ve already got War Storm on pre-order for the 15th and then just a few weeks later, the third Ember in the Ashes book will arrive at my door. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into everything – this summer will be a good one in terms of story-based entertainment, methinks.
… nervous but excited about: changes. Jim and I have been doing a lot of talking about the future lately now that we’re getting settled in the house and comfortable with all the trappings of homeownership, and have come to the decision to expand our little family with a furry new member. More coming on this once everything is finalized.
… feeling: like I need to be creative. I’ve had an itch in my fingers for a number of days now where I feel like I need to create. I need to draw, or make, or something. And I didn’t realize just how much I missed that feeling until it finally came back to me.
So that’s been that.
What have you all been up to lately?