Torn…

So yesterday I went grocery shopping, and as I was passing by the book section in our Wegman’s (love Wegman’s) I ended up spending literally 10 minutes fighting with myself about whether to buy and read The Fault in Our Stars. I kept picking it up, and putting it down again. Picking it up, reading the back cover, and putting it down again. Picking it back up, putting it in my cart, walking three steps before shaking my head and putting it back.

In the end I ended up leaving without it because I remembered my no-book pledge and forced myself to just walk away. But I’m still torn about reading this book.

See, it’s everywhere. The internet loves it. My friends who have read it love it. And these are all the same friends who loved the Hunger Games and revile the Twilight saga* – so I trust their taste. The movie got rave reviews. Everything I’ve seen and read say it’s a great read. And I like John Green.

But here’s the thing. I don’t know if reading this book is going to be worth the emotional trauma for me. Because I know what happens in the end. And I know what the book is about, and honestly it pushes some emotional buttons for me I’m not sure I’m ready to have pushed.

Because see, I’ve mentioned a number of times since starting this blog that 2013 was a horrible year for me and my family. That’s because a very very very close family member (not specifying relationship for the sake of their privacy) got a cancer diagnosis last year. It was caught super early, and looks to have been taken care of surgically, thank god. In fact as of May, they’ve passed the 1 year cancer-free mark, but we’re still dealing with constant terror that comes along with every subsequent check up, CAT scan, PET scan, and doctor’s appointment.

And so I’m torn. I both want to read The Fault in Our Stars and want to avoid everything and anything having to do with it. Part of me thinks reading it might be therapeutic. Part thinks it’s just going to be too triggering. And there’s yet another sadistic part of me knows it’s going to be triggering but wants to read it anyway.

And so I reach out to you, blogosphere – those of you who read it, what do you think? Worth the trauma? Does it deal with the cancer thing well and sensitively? Basically, is it worth the flood of tears I know it will cause?